the war will end someday

Nothing matters
the outside weather doesn’t bother me
the inside war is making noise
i can’t listen to anything
the war is bloody and cruel
tearing apart everything
all memories changing
the loss of it and the tears
i can’t cry as i don’t have time
the fire from the war is still burning
i can’t feel anything
i like cold now
i can’t smell anything
it’s all ashes now
i dont see as usual
yet you ask me all those things
i know i can’t but still i try
someday the war will end
the peace will come
i may feel again
i may feel alive
i just hope i see u there
i hope to live that long
to see the inside war end.



meaning in life
is there any
does it make sense
do u believe we are here for purpose
because it makes life meaningful
it’s a loop
running around in circles all life
once u start thinking
u r kicked out
no one will listen to u
u r an outsider
so many baseless arguments
to protect the absurdity
they don’t want to open their eyes
open them and it will hurt
better close them and join the parade
life is a spectacle
enjoy it
or atleast pretend to.

forget or forgive

To forget or forgive

It haunted me for a long time

I chose to forgive

As i couldn’t forget

I told him it is okay

Slowly, the pain did end

History repeats itself

People repeats mistakes

I forgave again n again

As i did every time

Apathy laughed somewhere

It slowly housed in me

When i couldn’t forgive anymore

Thoughts of revenge did come

I did not succumb to such non-sense

One kills himself piece by piece in revenge

I knew if i forgive him this time

I pave the path to hurt myself

It was time, not to forgive nor forget

But to remember what he did

To live with it, with the pain

Constantly reminding myself

Hurt comes from the loved ones

I never forgot what he did

But i started to forget him as a person

He remained a past, a pre-existed being

Over the years, he was just a name

I think whether i forgave him

I do not know, i think i did

To forget is to not remember

The memories still haunt me

A part of me lives there in past

To forgive or forget

I say, forgive when you can’t forget

And forget when you can’t forgive

But it is not easy, i think.

I cannot ask you anything…

i dont want to ask anything

u can tell me anything, everything or nothing

i cannot say what i want

i imagine a story 

you are there and me too

we talk and talk

till the time i exhaust my curiousity

i repeat the conversations in my head

then i move on to other situations

i want to know, i like to know

just like to avoid the expression of want

and i wonder what is such necessity of knowing all

no one can know all

not even i know myself fully

neither can you

so let us be together for a time

as you will find something new about yourself

i will know you and you can know me in the process

and that is how we might know each other…

Only names

I heard they would go there

the people in love, i mean

there was an abandoned amphitheater

just outside the town

a big wall at the back

trees all around

leaves covered the ground

I walked there just to see

there was no one today

not even a breeze

there were names on the wall

lots of hearts made up

different sizes

names mean nothing to me

they are insignificant

but i wonder how those letters

makes me think of someone

so many dreams here

so many promises made

i have come here before

many times, yet i do not remember

any names, they are new every time

i think whether they come back here

to see what they left behind

to recollect what they felt

why did i come here

i am not in love

i was once i think

but not now, not again

no one will remember my name

in the name of love

i write my name letter by letter

as i reach the last letter

i lost my patience

i threw the rock

no name, never

i shout to call every name here

do not come back here

you will only find names

and no love.




I heard the news of her passing;

i was not sad nor was i relieved

to be able to feel something,

one has to be in a moment,

i was in between two.

I cannot describe the feeling,

wish i could play it again to feel

what i felt in that timeless moment.

I do not have words for that.

Like someone has poured 

a bucket of ice on my pounding heart.

I still had the phone in my hand,

i was thinking what was i feeling

and i felt something i never felt before

it was this time-stuck, emotion-less, quiet, nothing


with the thought of calling someone

i moved my fingers

but i could not press a number

my hands were shaking

a dilemma had housed in me

a nothing so powerful that

it could stop me.

I sat there for an hour

before i slowly crept into the bed

only to woke up minutes later

to convince myself that it was a dream.

The games we play on ourselves.

खामोश निगाहें…

जब-जब मेरी चाहत ने उससे जवाब माँगा

उसने ख़ामोशी का दामन थाम लिया

न ही मेरी ख़ुशी का हिस्सा बन सकती है

और न ही मेरे ग़म का कारण बनना चाहती है

पर उसकी ख़ुशी किस बात में हैं, वो बताती नहीं

हम भी उसकी ख़ुशी की तलाश में एक हिस्सा बन

अपना एक छोटा सा आशियाना सजा लेते हैं

पर वो डरती है कि करीब आकर दूर जाना बहुत मुश्किल होता है

शायद इसीलिए वो कुछ न कहती है न ही कुछ बताती है

बस उसकी खामोश निगाहें एक सवाल पूछ जाती है…

जब मैं लिखता हूँ

जब मैं लिखता हूँ
तो लफ्ज़ आसमान से या किसी किताब से छांटकर नहीं लाता
दिल में कहीं कोई अनकही आवाज़ गूंजती है
लोगों को बोलना आया नहीं
उनको समझाने की कोशिश करने का मन किया नहीं
समझते सभी अपने नज़रिए के दायरे में ही हैं
मन की आवाज़ ने खुद को लफ़्ज़ों में तराशा
धीरे-धीरे एक आदत सी बन गयी
हो तो ये भी सकता था कि लफ़्ज़ों को फिर से आवाज़ बना देता
लेकिन फिर ये एहसास हुआ कि
गर इतने माध्यमों से गुज़रते हुए भाव कहीं अपनी पहचान न खो दे
जैसा वो लफ्ज़ थे, उनको वैसा कागज़ पर उतारा
जो भी लिखता हूँ खुद के सन्दर्भ में लिखता हूँ
किसी और का ज़िक्र भी हो लेकिन उसमे मैं हीहोता हूँ
लोगों ने कई बार पुछा है, कि आखिर “वो” कौन है
हर इन्सान को मैंने अलग जवाब दिए हैं
हकीक़त से अभी पर्दा उठाने का मन नहीं है
ज़िन्दगी बहुत बाकी है, खेल बहुत लम्बा है
इतना जानने के लिए एक साथ निभाना पड़ेगा
पढ़ते रहोगे, तो जान जाओगे
ऐसा कोई राज़ नहीं है, पर जो है वो यहीं हैं, इन्ही लफ़्ज़ों में
मैं भी जो हूँ, वो इन्ही लफ़्ज़ों में है
अब मैं इनके अनुसार ही जीने लगा हूँ
ज़िन्दगी आसान हो जाती है, कोई ढांचा गर मिल जाए
और बात रही “उनकी”, तो उनके चेहरे बहुत से हैं
ज़िन्दगी के अलग-अलग वक़्त में जो अज़ीज़ था
बदलता गया, इसका तालुक्क किसी शख्स या भाव या ज़िन्दगी से हो सकता है
पर ये सब बातें पढने वाले पर निर्भर करता है
किसी के लिए चारदीवारी घर है तो किसी के लिए पिंजरा
किसी के लिए मोहब्बत कोई शख्स है तो किसी के लिए ज़िन्दगी
हर कोई अलग है, मैं क्यों लिखता हूँ?
शायद अब आदत सी हो गयी है
या खुद को ज़ाहिर करने का कोई और तरीका मालूम नहीं
हर पल मन में उठे एहसास को गर लिखता रहूँ
तो ज़िन्दगी कम ही पड़ जाएगी
क्योंकि ज़िन्दगी ने हर पल में इतने एहसास भर दिए हैं
पल-पल को लिखने में दिन गुज़र जाते हैं
रातें तक लग जाती हैं,
दिन रात के खेल में फँसकर मैं लिखता रहता हूँ
और जब भी लिखता हूँ
तो सोचता हूँ, कि लिखने को तो सब लिख डालूँ
लेकिन जब रुकूँगा
तब तक एक एहसास फिर गूँज उठेगा…