I read something few days ago, “We promise according to our hopes, but we perform according to our fears”. The echoes of this statement is roaming inside me, thinking not about the good part (we hardly gets tensed by that) but about the bad i could become in the coming time. It’s not in my nature to compare myself with others as i have always believed everyone’s life starts in a different way and progresses with getting affected by what comes their ways, so comparing with someone by neglecting all these factors is somewhat an incomplete phenomenon. Many of my friends have gone to a successful level by their own hard work (i admire them in my own ways) and many of them have accepted their fate in what they had, before they even started to work for themselves; it’s a failure in itself as it seems to me. Not doing anything and believing that the path has been laid down by the society and our “dear” ones is apt, is a delusion to me and i have rejected it from the last few years. Even though, i have fallen victim to this deal many times, but spending my life in a way chosen by others, so i will live for them, work for them is entirely out of options. I will never do that and nor will i succumb to the practices of our society to come back the “original” path laid.
Many of my friends say to me, “what you are doing is worth appreciating and courageous in itself”. I feel so good that to thank them in just words seems unjust to me. They are the fuel to my activities, my inspirations, my continuous effort to be what i want. Some of them even acknowledges to the fact that they wish they could do what they really want and how much interesting will it be, if such happens. They conforms to the idea of falling victim to the allocated path, i have mentioned in the above passage. I don’t feel that great in taking away the praises i get, but i accept it to myself that its all about going after something that makes you happy and being happy is what everyone wants.
Now coming to the more serious point, i mentioned people keep asking me about how much i have already done and what’s currently going on. I do reply them according to the quote mentioned in the first line. And since i have read this quote, i keep thinking about it before replying to anyone. My earlier friends used to say, “बोलने में कोई tax थोड़े ही लगता है” (it doesn’t cost you in saying), although it does cost you sometimes, but in reference to this case, it doesn’t. I can boast about my aspirations and what i would do in future, my projects, my would-be-expectations, but normally i doesn’t. There’s always an evil voice that speaks to me inside, discouraging me in what i want to do. Fear takes place in heart when i do. It becomes a hindrance in paths to be achieved and we become what we really fear about. I see the situations of many people who tried and didn’t succeeded, it makes me feel down and a sorrow for them. I get affected by the idea that what if i become like them. This thinking process evolves a lot of vulgar-dangerous-thoughts and takes me a little back to the whole system of struggling. Later, i come back to the point that what if they did what i’m doing right now, just contemplating about my fears, rather than our hopes. Its a circular process of thinking, i feel hope, i feel strength, i started to do, i fear a little, then a little more, i contemplate, i realize and then finally, i come back to the same point where it actually began.
I have done so many times that i’m ashamed of myself in wasting so much of my time in these disgusting thoughts. I guess its all about keep doing, fighting for what i really want, what sacrifices i can make, what more required of me to achieve all, at what cost; everything comes in thinking. Sometimes i curse the writer for saying such statement, demotivating people, but eventually i know its about making someone to think about. Now i promise what i could really do, and perform according to my potential in time.
“ज़िन्दगी में उम्मीद नहीं तो कुछ और भी तो कहाँ है,
चलने उसी पर है, चाहे वो अपनी हो या दूसरों की…”
(if there’s not hope, there’s nothing there in life,
will live on that, whether it’s ours or theirs…)